New Blog Same me

Thats right folks

I made the change from blogspot to tumblr...

No reason specifically, I like the way they set it up and I can post videos way easier

Here is where it will be at

abag24.tumblr.com

enjoy!

I need to break

Be refreshed in a newness

I rip and tear at the seems of myself because I'm conflicted

Breaking under the core to who I am

Giving into the desire to be free again

The longing to be known and loved

A heart can be divine and depressing

Why the confusion

Fear not of a man

Fear of greater then I

Grace I can't scratch

Lame are my ways

Lost is my gaze

Come to me please, where are you?

Why not now?

Will it be soon here?

Can you be there?

(Just stuff on my mind, this is sometimes how my journal looks and I wanted to let you guys in a bit...although none of it probably means anything to you, there you have it!)

Maybe Sad.

So here's the deal...

I'm saddened tonight.

For one particular reason, women.

First before I write I just want to put some stuff out there.

1) No I'm not dating anyone, so this comes from the perspective of a single man that hopes to one day date and marry.

2) I also have nothing against any women that has done or are doing things I may talk about.

ok....

The story goes a little something like this.

I was at my sisters wedding last night and had a great time. It was wonderful to see her and my brother in law solidify their relationship in marriage.

They have been an amazing example to me of what it means to be a better man toward a women, and what it looks like for a women to love a man with all she has.

And as I went trough the night I felt very outside of everything that was going on even though I was amongst it all.

My mind was going to these places of desperation and desire to one day love a women with all that I have.

There are two things I think men desire most in life, and that is honor and intimacy.

Honor because we like to be "right"

We want to win at mostly everything we do

And for a few, we want to leave this life with humility and a purpose.

Intimacy because we want to give love

We want to be special and held close to someone else's heart

And for some, a life that was sacrificial to self, putting her before himself, expecting nothing in return to attain honor.

That was where my mind was at...

Why?

Well because I thought reflectively the whole time about my past life with women, my present (which isn't much....thankfully) and also the future.

Past...wasn't that great

Present....well, you get my drift.

But future....I do expect to one day marry, its that simple.

NOT!

Some of the women I know or have been friends with at one point in time break my heart without the knowledge of it.

I was looking at a friends profile on a large social networking website, and was sad....literally sad.

I truly am amazed by the creation of women. In every way...not just physically.

But decency has lost its touch with many

Value of self has decreased, and confidence or lack there of has dropped significantly with far to many.

I'm a huge fan of organizations like TWLOA (To Write Love On Her Arms) http://www.twloha.com/

They help women particularly, and some men, with depression, suicide, cutting, eating disorders, etc.

But in thinking about it....we have to have things like this because some women, and men in certain cases, drive themselves to do things that can be very destructive.

I'm not going against anything these organizations do...I support them 110% Trust me!

But they are there because there is a huge problem with how people think of themselves.

We need to start reconstructing our image.

If someone dresses with a small amount of clothing and posts it on a website for all to see, there may be more behind it then we may know.

Are they making up for something, that in their eyes is just not good enough?

Are they trying to get attention because they didn't have it from a father or mother figure while growing up?

Were they treated like crap from a guy during high school or college?

Or did something go wrong...very wrong, at any point in their life?

Anything....

I have seen these things as I'm sure many others have.

I have also been the problem.

Instead of looking at women from a surface, I look much deeper and see something beautiful inside.

Yes this may come off as a cliche "good guy" talk, but I am not saying this for THAT reason;

I mean it...and I mean it that guys need to treat the ladies better.

And women....please be aware that there are more important things to you then what lingerie you wear in a picture.

I admire a women that holds those things secret.

It makes a man desire to know more about the layers of what really makes you who you are.

It makes him discover what it is that you are composed of.

Respect is a word I hear, and all of us could work on it a little better.

Love like you care beyond what you see.

Hope that there is better, but realistically.

And pour into all that suffer, or may be dying quietly from the inside out.

"Okay"

I have been away from my laptop the past few days, and compared to November through February, I have been bad at writing and keeping my head focused on life and all that makes me what I am.

What makes me what I am??

I believe Christ has made me who "I am"

A greater being is the only thing I can fathom...because humans, In my eyes, can't possibly create what we are.

If that day comes, well I hope I am gone by then.

I have been pondering a lot these past few months.

For those that may not know I went to a Christian ministry school in Montana, then I spent a few months in Taiwan and China for an "outreach"

This whole experience broadened everything I thought or believed, (which wasn't much to begin with)

But...It was great and I loved it and wish I could do it again because it was that good.

Now reality...and its okay...

just

okay

Is it okay...to just be okay?

I don't like living an "okay" life

I prefer EXTRAORDINARY

But my point in bringing this up is that my life, has just been "okay" these past months.

I was at a party this past weekend and while conversing with an individual we talked about what we do and have been doing sense this last summer.

To put it simply, I, along with others apparently don't "live it up."

Sorry but what the hell does that mean?

When I say life is just okay, I'm implying that there are highs and lows through life.

Neither gets more attention then the other in my eyes.

I can't say there have been any low lows..and,

There haven't been many high highs

So maybe that's where we should be then all the time right?

I hope so, and I strive to live a life that exemplifies that.

If God takes me to a place where things are hard

Then I will walk through it, same goes for the things that are good in life.

Having our minds and hearts set on the destination brings us closer to realizing that both good and bad doesn't matter.

Celebrate in "good times"

Enjoy them..."live it up"

Love everything about it

But in that goodness don't forget that things may just end up becoming "okay"

I say this because I was just apart of something Good, rather amazing actually.

And in a lot of ways I wish so hard to experience things like that again, but I won't..at least not like that. So I'm in an "okay" place right now.

The other side to it is that I may be living in the "okay" right now because the hard and challenging is right around the corner...maybe tomorrow, if tomorrow comes.

All in all, I am content

Who knows what tomorrow will look like...

To all my fellow bloggers or followers through twitter or facebook, I am letting you all know that I will most likely be taking break from blogger and facebook for sometime.

This is for no specific reason, just my own sanity.

I have been wanting to move again, and I won't be able to till September.

So in many ways I have made a lot of things an "escape" if you will.

So in attempt to get away and discover more of myself, I am taking a sabbatical from certain things in my life.

I'll be back, keeping you all updated on life and the many things I walk through and think about.

So don't worry!

Much love, you will still be able to get ahold of me at my email address

abagato1@me.com

Thanks

Going

I have been a bad "blogger" these past few weeks.

So I'm just going to apologize and hope you all still read what I write.

Lets pick up here....

Health Care

Glen Beck being...Glen Beck

Getting a van (call me about that one)

Listening to Rap music lately

Getting work here and there

Oh and I really want to leave and go do stuff for people without the comforts I have daily.

And to go off that, I want to start with rough seasons of life....

I am in a very strange and foreign place, still....

A place I obviously don't belong....that's intended to be deeper then Clovis CA

But beyond that I want to be apart of any solution in the world right now.

This takes us as humans, dropping what we posses, and give.

That doesn't mean you need to give money to the poor or serve little kids in orphanages.

Although those things are great, not all of us may be in that place.

Myself...I'm not in place to give anything financially for example.

So as humans we pity ourselves and say there is nothing we can do....for whatever reasons.

Well the good news is that you can

Have you ever thought about giving yourself to others? (this has nothing to do with sex haha)

Its easy to go and serve a day at a place in need...but shouldn't our everyday look something like that?

Shouldn't we give up ourselves to better someone else...even if its in a drive thru at Taco Bell?

Who am I to demand or frustrate someone I don't even know on a personal level?

They may not be having a good day

They may have been through a bad break up

They may not have health care

They may not have a job

They may not have a family to go to when they are at a low place in life

THEY could be you...me...or the guy on a street corner.

Take the THEY, however you want.

I know I say things like this a lot

But we need to stop living by our words alone and actually GO

I'm tired of the established "church" talking about the life Jesus lived, when they stayed glued to the building they are in.

While I was in China 2 things happened that stood out

One: I went to a church where it was in a park and we just played games and ate meals with everyone around.

Two: I went to an underground church where we spent time hanging out and eating...AKA living in community, it was great.

These 2 things are important to how we live, believers and non believers.

Believers..... you should get up and spend more time with those that have nothing, then with those that you see a few times a week anyways (this also helps the people you go to church with to spend more time "outside" the church then within it basically because you aren't there..thus leading them to either join you or leave and stay bored somewhere else)

As non believers I encourage you to continue whatever it is that you do.

Go to parties, get togethers, and spend time with those people.

Because you all are a good example of what Christians should be doing.

We, as believers should want to spend more time outside the "church" then within it.

So, go people, and live amongst everyone..no matter who or what lifestyle they live.

"Belatedly I loved thee, O Beauty so ancient and so new, belatedly I loved thee. For see, thou wast within and I was without, and I sought thee out there. Unlovely, I rushed heedlessly among the lovely things thou hast made. Thou wast with me, but I was not with thee. These things kept me far from thee; even though they were not at all unless they were in thee. Thou didst call and cry aloud, and didst force open my deafness. Thou didst gleam and shine, and didst chase away my blindness. Thou didst breathe fragrant odors and I drew in my breath; and now I pant for thee. I tasted, and now I hunger and thirst. Thou didst touch me, and I burned for thy peace."
— Augustine of Hippo

I hate all your show and pretense
the hypocrisy of your praise
the hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show

Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stop up my ears when your
singing ‘em
I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood
of justice
An endless procession of righteous
living, living
Instead let there be a flood
of justice
Instead of a show

your eyes are closed when you’re praying
you sing right along with the band
you shine up your shoes for services
but there’s blood on your hands

you turned your back on the homeless
and the ones that don’t fit in your plans
quit playing religion games
there’s blood on your hands

Ah! let’s argue this out
if your sins are blood red
let’s argue this out
you’ll be white as the clouds
let’s argue this out
quit fooling around

give love to the ones who can’t love at all
give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
stand up for the ones who can’t stand up at all
instead of a show
I hate all your show

Jon Foreman

"Instead of a Show"

This is how I feel about church, and people in general....

It has its good and bad. But there is something large that we lack

And that is justice and love.

Why cant we love and show hope to those that have none of that at all?

Or maybe they are the ones that have it and know what love and justice really is..

Some stuff to marinate on, and hopefully on your heart

Not just your mind...

More to come tonight....

Women, Men, and The Bachelor

So here is the deal..

Yes its on all that good stuff, like relationships, man & woman, sex, and dating.

My inspiration for this comes from one of the highest rated T.V. shows, The Bachelor.

First I want to start with the concept and "idea" of this show.

Personally I must confess, I have seen the show numerous times. But I began to see something as I watched. These individuals claim multiple things:

"I love all of these women that are left in the competition"

"Out of these two I don't know who to pick because I love them both"

You get my point right?

Well this has many factors to it.

One being; This man or woman (bachelorette) say that they love multiple individuals.

I'm intrigued because I do believe you can love multiple people. I know I do, and I have.

I say this though, falling in love and being in love is intimate and rare....well at least it should be, especially in marriage. Because I think we can all agree divorce is not always the greatest thing.

Honestly.

So for him or her to say they love all or a few people is not correct in this context.

Last I knew we are made to either be single (1 Corinthians 7:25-31) or married and committed to one woman or man.

In fact it's better to be single if you can be, and that is truth. I'm sure we can all agree on that....(unless your between the ages of 13- 19, with the exception of those older, but that brings up another issue)

So what I am getting at with this is how can a man or woman fall deeply, madly in love with multiple people at the same time?

Oh so now you say,

"Well he chooses THE ONE at the end"

Here is what I say to that...

First, this is treated as some kind of competition from when they arrive.

A competition people!

The definition of Competition is "to strive for" or "be in rivalry"

This seems strange to me....

I want my future wife to feel I fought for her, but not literally fight or be in rivalry over her.

She is a human!

Shouldn't it be a natural thing that God ordained?

Yes, fight for your woman, stick up for her, but holy crap let her feel like a person!

I doubt any of these women went through the show without questioning if they were good enough...

Or if they were the right one...

Or if he loved them more then another one.

And in some ways that may be okay to do.....if you are confident in who you are,

but obviously that can't even be very true because they are on a T.V. show that picks these smoking hot babes that care way more about how they look then how they feel about themselves.

I'm just tired of really, really low self esteemed women.

But men don't off the hook, because we have been the problem!

We have created what women should be, and so they do that those things.

Because that's apparently what we want.

I want authenticity.

We all need to treat women and men for that matter as special human beings.

Not like they are just apart of a competition.

And lastly, this is to those that watch.

We watch it for entertainment purposes.

And that makes me sad...

This is how we spend our time?

Watching other people "figure out" who their wife or husband will be?

Why don't we get up and do something?

Go find and search for that person instead of getting ideas from a T.V. show.

Or instead of spending 1-3 hours of our life watching stuff, do something...

I'm not condoning T.V. or shows that we watch.

Maybe consider doing something of value before you watch a show.

Talk to people

Go for a walk

Read a book

Write

Ride a bike...I don't know,

Just do something.

For that wonderful woman he has chosen, best of wishes. I'm serious.

You are THE ONE

You stood out more then all those others and he picked the best which was you!

But he went through and did a lot of odd and wrong things to get there.

Women should never be compared to other women.

Nor handled like pieces of meat.

Men, we need to show more love and respect that gives that woman the feeling of confidence within herself.

I want to express my thanks for all those in Taiwan and here for your understanding, regarding my choice to stay. It was not an easy one to make, but I am great full to be here.

Your prayers and thoughts have meant the most to me.

At this time I am in the process of looking for and trying to get a job while I am still here...you could imagine how fun that is. ha

I am excited to be here though.

In some ways.....

I have been doing better these past few days then when I first got home. As many may know it was and still is a strange transition from Asia to America.

I miss China

I miss Taiwan

And I miss Montana

I'm in a good place though. Mainly talking about where my mind is at. There are things that come up in life and some how God has given me grace. And in that he allows me to discern what to do and where to go.

Today I sent off an application to the School of Biblical Studies in Montana. The school goes on for 9 months in places all over the world. The one in Montana starts in September of this year.

I know that learning and getting more into Gods word is what he has for me now. I want to continue to pursue those things more then anything else. One day putting them to use in a classroom setting or within a church....but I'll let him work that path for me.

I have just learned a lot about so many things and want to continue in those areas.

But with that for all that are reading this, I do not want to be looked at or taken as a "religious" person.

In fact I hate religion......and things perceived or actually done in the "church"

Things of that nature make me question why we are really followers of Christ or if people that are followers really are what they say they are. You follow??

Look people are messy and have a lot of things that just aren't right with them.....I am one of those people.

If we can all....all of us, believers and non-believers get our heads around that concept we might get somewhere.

None of us will ever have anything really figured out. I do know this, Love covers all things.

It covers our sin

our lives that are messed up,

our pasts,

and it covers how we treat each other.

So lets learn to love better. Leave out cynicism and "your ways" and ideas.

It gets you no where!

Someone once told me, "You should never have to burn any bridges"

Notice the words have to...

We have a choice. Lets make things better between each other and

learn to simply

love...

Also feel free to email me at abagato1@me.com

Twitter... @abag24

I want to post an update on my life and what I am doing.

It has been a really long time that I have been able to take time and breathe.

Recuperating in America is tough. I have been back for over 2 weeks now, but it has felt longer then that. And generally in my life that means its time to move.

But my plans have changed.

I decided last week to stay in America and live here till I am ready to move on.

As many may no, I was going to be leaving for Taiwan in late March. God has begun to direct me and pull me in another direction. And its one I am not comfortable with exactly.

This is why I am staying though.

To live "uncomfortably.”

I spent the past 6 months learning and living in Gods ways...not mine…and this was somewhat uncomfortable.

And my way was to leave learn some more.

So it’s not the fact that I don’t want to learn and go to school. It’s because there are things in my life I still have to do here and now.

Going to a school in the fall is a yes...all the way, but more then where I go or what I do, I need to be living in the here and now of Clovis CA.

I want to say sadly at the end of that sentence, but this is the Lords planning.

I trust and have faith that things will work together while I am home. This country, this state and this city are lost.... just like the rest of the world, but I don’t see it so much that way.

God has really laid it on my heart to be creative and work in people’s lives here.

I also want to make it known that this has no ties to anyone’s influence, making me want to stay.

Not my family and not my friends in Clovis or Lakeside have made me want to stay. This is my choice and decision, which I know is what Christ wants.

Walking in his obedience is how I want to live my life ultimately. And with that, I want to be in places I am challenged. (Not that I wouldn’t be in Taiwan)

I have been surrounded with friends and family in prayer and affirmation with this choice. And I thank you all for your support.

God has blessed me with great people in my life, and they have spoken truth to me about this.

I thank you all for understanding. If you have anymore questions please call or email me. You can also get a hold of me on Facebook of Twitter.

Abagato1@me.com

Well I'm here now

In a place of realization and curiosity.

A place that is foreign.

I'm a stranger to what I knew and where I have been.

This has revolutionized my view.

I am still searching for my place in the midst of this unfamiliarity.

It's easy for me now, to know where I am found at.

But the location of my human body is displaced in many ways.

I want to know more and grow deep.

Why?

And why is it a challenge at times.

Seeing the past frustrations and being thankful...yet sad.

Not sad because I want to do those things again; just sad that that style of life happens to others.

I want to be apart of the solution, not start a new one.

Join a cause, unseen, to impact change.

No agenda

Lacking legalism

And embrace creativity

Get out of what has remained the same.

Not all of this for myself, but with others, and amongst the groups of people.

I'm a messy, and at times confused human being

Just like you.

Like me.

I want to rise to the realization that I can't do a lot but live life,

and live it accordingly.

I don't want to be a radical

I want to be a realist.

Never do I want to run the country. But do you think love and respect can be THE "change"?

I think it can.....

My last week in China was when President Obama gave his State of the Union address. I am a left wing moderate/conservative...depending on the issue. Some may say I am unable to be categorized; I see myself as a peaceful decision maker. Haha

Besides that point, I realized something I never payed attention to before in Government.

He called out Republicans and said that they did this and that.....Well it is true they did do the this or that, that he was talking about.

But what about himself?

The Republicans constantly shove an agenda towards the Liberals. But so do the Liberals.

Right?

It generally is a mudslinging party between the two, of whom said or did something.

Really....It is!

Both sides call out each others wrong doing...and neither fully getting a point across.

This just leads us to bad choices, and division within ourselves.

People assume way to easily that someone is right or wrong.

What about the homosexuals that are republicans?

What about the kid who is orphaned and needs love from a family?

What about the average guy who just got diagnosed with cancer and can't afford bills, so essentially he can't afford his own disease?

I'm not saying I know the answer or agree with it all, but what about the core of all these things?

They all have a heart.

And we need to show,

Love

Real, authentic... Love

Processing through this week. It is good... Changing countries is different and new, like really new to me. I forgot what America was like for 2 months. I stepped off a plane in Taiwan, but in doing that I had prepared myself for that moment months prior to its happening.

When I chose to go to Taiwan and China I immediately told myself that it would be new. I also wanted something different in my life at the time, I was searching for more. Not only was I searching myself during school through learning, but I was needing to get away for a new experience that would mold me. So I let control go and do its work.

I longed to be in that country, I searched myself to how I would react to a new place. I began to learn myself.

I got there and still looked deep inside myself. I learned how I reacted to people close to me, and the natives. I learned how I was in another place, and it was much different then who I am as an American.

Now this shouldn't come off as though I changed because I was in a new place and I could get away with it. It was because I was a guest and I had a purpose being there.

I became apart of that country in some ways.

There are things I saw and experiences that I just can't grasp.

I literally can't grasp some things I was apart of.

Because my mind had been set on the things I needed to do in those moments. As a result I am processing them now.

And its hard.

I have no regret that I didn't think much of it during those times either.

My heart is content. But not in all areas, and those places will take time to discover

for myself

for others.

So here we go

Change?

We say we want change or were changed because of our experiences, but what does that really mean?

I went through a season of life that challenged me and taught me to do things different.

Change...yes, but not of what I do or what I act like.

I still do things that I did years ago.

I still drink my favorite drinks and eat Swedish fish.

I still laugh at dumb jokes and say "that's what she said", if necessary.

Immature at time; I am aware.

But I am still, me.

What has "changed" is the way I think, or how I respond to things at certain times.

I do like to read and write now (and for those that have known me I hated both for the longest time)

Other then those minor things, I am still the same. Kind of.

I looked deep into who I was during this time, and found I didn't like who I had become.

I had a past that need to be transformed. It all started with the willingness to admit I was wrong, broken and lost.

I was living on repeat, everyday.

But enough of that. My point in all this is about something greater.

Just living life.

I just finished Donald Millers new book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years"...it inspired me.

He is writing about his story and the things he went through that made his life more "story" worthy. He claims he was doing nothing that made his life valuable and interesting, so he starts doing a bunch of different things.

Something I took away is that I am just living life, and within it we need to have good experiences to fully live.

Okay, that blows my own mind......I am living, and because I am living I should make the most of it and do it to it's best. This is also God's purpose for us. But it hits me about where I am at today.

I'm in a library writing on a blog, so you may be thinking...really Aaron??

Well I am in Montana and just returned form Asia. I never thought or wanted to be in Montana. It snows all the time, and no one lives here.

But that's something I realized. It may not be that big of a deal, but it's different. New.

An out of the ordinary thing to do. To come here, learn how to be with people in another country, and then move away for another 2 months to a foreign land!?

It's one of these things I can't believe I just did.

And those are the kind of moments that make us aware we are living a good story.

My old youth pastor used to ask us about graveyards and what things are written on the plates in the ground. I never got what he was talking about...and I still don't fully know what it means in many way's.

He would say, "You never see things written on it that talk about how good their job was, their work ethic, the car they drove, the cloths they wore, things of that nature."

Continuing he would talk about the dates of when they were born till the day they died.

Kind of morbid? Yes. But true.

It's the things we do in between those years that dictate what is remembered or written on our slab. It may not say much but they tend to look like this:

"Amazing Father, Loving Wife, Kind Hearted Man, Adventurous."

Those are words that describe the action the person took during their life.

And I want to me remembered as a loving and genuine person.

I know I want to do things that may be crazy, because that is living how we were made to be.

Out of ordinary, and into a good story...our own story, and we get to decide how we want it to be read.