New Blog Same me

Thats right folks

I made the change from blogspot to tumblr...

No reason specifically, I like the way they set it up and I can post videos way easier

Here is where it will be at

abag24.tumblr.com

enjoy!

I need to break

Be refreshed in a newness

I rip and tear at the seems of myself because I'm conflicted

Breaking under the core to who I am

Giving into the desire to be free again

The longing to be known and loved

A heart can be divine and depressing

Why the confusion

Fear not of a man

Fear of greater then I

Grace I can't scratch

Lame are my ways

Lost is my gaze

Come to me please, where are you?

Why not now?

Will it be soon here?

Can you be there?

(Just stuff on my mind, this is sometimes how my journal looks and I wanted to let you guys in a bit...although none of it probably means anything to you, there you have it!)

Maybe Sad.

So here's the deal...

I'm saddened tonight.

For one particular reason, women.

First before I write I just want to put some stuff out there.

1) No I'm not dating anyone, so this comes from the perspective of a single man that hopes to one day date and marry.

2) I also have nothing against any women that has done or are doing things I may talk about.

ok....

The story goes a little something like this.

I was at my sisters wedding last night and had a great time. It was wonderful to see her and my brother in law solidify their relationship in marriage.

They have been an amazing example to me of what it means to be a better man toward a women, and what it looks like for a women to love a man with all she has.

And as I went trough the night I felt very outside of everything that was going on even though I was amongst it all.

My mind was going to these places of desperation and desire to one day love a women with all that I have.

There are two things I think men desire most in life, and that is honor and intimacy.

Honor because we like to be "right"

We want to win at mostly everything we do

And for a few, we want to leave this life with humility and a purpose.

Intimacy because we want to give love

We want to be special and held close to someone else's heart

And for some, a life that was sacrificial to self, putting her before himself, expecting nothing in return to attain honor.

That was where my mind was at...

Why?

Well because I thought reflectively the whole time about my past life with women, my present (which isn't much....thankfully) and also the future.

Past...wasn't that great

Present....well, you get my drift.

But future....I do expect to one day marry, its that simple.

NOT!

Some of the women I know or have been friends with at one point in time break my heart without the knowledge of it.

I was looking at a friends profile on a large social networking website, and was sad....literally sad.

I truly am amazed by the creation of women. In every way...not just physically.

But decency has lost its touch with many

Value of self has decreased, and confidence or lack there of has dropped significantly with far to many.

I'm a huge fan of organizations like TWLOA (To Write Love On Her Arms) http://www.twloha.com/

They help women particularly, and some men, with depression, suicide, cutting, eating disorders, etc.

But in thinking about it....we have to have things like this because some women, and men in certain cases, drive themselves to do things that can be very destructive.

I'm not going against anything these organizations do...I support them 110% Trust me!

But they are there because there is a huge problem with how people think of themselves.

We need to start reconstructing our image.

If someone dresses with a small amount of clothing and posts it on a website for all to see, there may be more behind it then we may know.

Are they making up for something, that in their eyes is just not good enough?

Are they trying to get attention because they didn't have it from a father or mother figure while growing up?

Were they treated like crap from a guy during high school or college?

Or did something go wrong...very wrong, at any point in their life?

Anything....

I have seen these things as I'm sure many others have.

I have also been the problem.

Instead of looking at women from a surface, I look much deeper and see something beautiful inside.

Yes this may come off as a cliche "good guy" talk, but I am not saying this for THAT reason;

I mean it...and I mean it that guys need to treat the ladies better.

And women....please be aware that there are more important things to you then what lingerie you wear in a picture.

I admire a women that holds those things secret.

It makes a man desire to know more about the layers of what really makes you who you are.

It makes him discover what it is that you are composed of.

Respect is a word I hear, and all of us could work on it a little better.

Love like you care beyond what you see.

Hope that there is better, but realistically.

And pour into all that suffer, or may be dying quietly from the inside out.

"Okay"

I have been away from my laptop the past few days, and compared to November through February, I have been bad at writing and keeping my head focused on life and all that makes me what I am.

What makes me what I am??

I believe Christ has made me who "I am"

A greater being is the only thing I can fathom...because humans, In my eyes, can't possibly create what we are.

If that day comes, well I hope I am gone by then.

I have been pondering a lot these past few months.

For those that may not know I went to a Christian ministry school in Montana, then I spent a few months in Taiwan and China for an "outreach"

This whole experience broadened everything I thought or believed, (which wasn't much to begin with)

But...It was great and I loved it and wish I could do it again because it was that good.

Now reality...and its okay...

just

okay

Is it okay...to just be okay?

I don't like living an "okay" life

I prefer EXTRAORDINARY

But my point in bringing this up is that my life, has just been "okay" these past months.

I was at a party this past weekend and while conversing with an individual we talked about what we do and have been doing sense this last summer.

To put it simply, I, along with others apparently don't "live it up."

Sorry but what the hell does that mean?

When I say life is just okay, I'm implying that there are highs and lows through life.

Neither gets more attention then the other in my eyes.

I can't say there have been any low lows..and,

There haven't been many high highs

So maybe that's where we should be then all the time right?

I hope so, and I strive to live a life that exemplifies that.

If God takes me to a place where things are hard

Then I will walk through it, same goes for the things that are good in life.

Having our minds and hearts set on the destination brings us closer to realizing that both good and bad doesn't matter.

Celebrate in "good times"

Enjoy them..."live it up"

Love everything about it

But in that goodness don't forget that things may just end up becoming "okay"

I say this because I was just apart of something Good, rather amazing actually.

And in a lot of ways I wish so hard to experience things like that again, but I won't..at least not like that. So I'm in an "okay" place right now.

The other side to it is that I may be living in the "okay" right now because the hard and challenging is right around the corner...maybe tomorrow, if tomorrow comes.

All in all, I am content

Who knows what tomorrow will look like...